True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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