i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
