dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
