oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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