So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
God, I missed his penis.
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