So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
