Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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