Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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