not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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