is your mom at the bar?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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