Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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