My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize