Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
