Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
