3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
