it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
