I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
