Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
