You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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