i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize