I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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