ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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