I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
