You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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