I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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