Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dick very happy bro
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
