Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
