conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
