dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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