Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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