For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
