She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
