something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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