Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
