What a fucking waste of an outfit
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
