Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
