he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
