i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
