You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
