The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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