what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
