The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
