alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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