just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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