I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
