She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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