Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
