if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
