Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
