he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
