i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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