i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
