I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
