Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
look no pants
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
