I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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