YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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