cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
