soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
