moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
