He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
