Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
