just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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