hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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