I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
