You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
